Welcome home Louise!!!!!!!!

Hello all,

Sorry for the time I have been away things have got the better of me. So looking to a new future I find myself back on this blog thingy.

So what has been happening to me in short. Well I have started working in the local community centre on a summer project for children. What I thought would only be a few hours a week has turned into nearly 27hrs per week work. Some may gasp at this however I enjoy what I am doing so I do not tend to notice the time I put in. This has since cause me to fall from the diet path and not really take notice of my body. Now I don't mean that I have put on a shed load of weight, it is just that I have not been feeding at the right times, or the right things. ICE CREAM is now officially banned from these lips. Well ice lolly's have not. I will come onto that soon.

My older sister has moved back to Portsmouth which means I once again get to be near my nephew. Something I truly am looking forward to.

So, let me get back to how my weight loss is going on. Well to be honest it really has not. I was speaking with my husband and well I need to start and take care of myself. So on my own this morning I came up with a plan. So sat in my kitchen, whilst cooking carrot, sweet potato and butternut squash soup I argued with the computer to create a meal plan. A BINDING CONTRACT between me and food. one which under no circumstances would I break. Dramatic I know. But I am that naughty school girl in the back of the room and I DO need to be told. So as I finalised the plan I sent it to Tammy.

As Tammy came on skype today at our agreed time I get a short email, can you save the document in a earlier format please. D'oh I thought. After the blood sweat and tears from my previous attempt I now had to save again. So as I chucked to myself I was trying to find a whitty comment to say to Tammy about her old style PC but I couldn't. And my this time she had logged onto skype and ready to chat.

I started how I wanted to go on the phone. I started positive. I was a woman on a mission and I had a plan. Tammy being Tammy was FANTASTIC! I love how no matter what she is supportive. So as both of us were watching flames come from our pens as we frantically wrote down what we were going to do over the next two weeks, I started to feel even more positive then when I first started the call. You see since the last time I blogged my heart has not been into anything Diet related. but you see the bar has now been raised. COMPETITION! yes that right COMPETITION. Between me and my family. Well in less then 8 month I will be a bridesmaid for my sisters wedding. The reason why I started to work with Tammy in the first place. Yes things has come and gone, but the more things that happen the soon the day get to me. Yes I have completed my first goal, being able to walk. However my existing goal is far from over. So to sum up our call it was setting the new goal posts and no matter what it takes i'm getting to them.

So as I said my goodbyes to Tammy I started to real off my hundred of goals for this week. Only joking but i did recall everything I was going to do over the next 2 weeks. so hear we go.

1. Write Blog daily
2. Send email to Tammy every day on what food I have eaten.
3. Follow meal plan set up as below.
4. Walk before or after food at lunch time when working in community centre.
5. DRINK WATER and have tablets.
6. Write a life Priority list, have a must and and needs list.
7. in three weeks to loose 10lbs. That's 3.33lbs per week average.

So folks that's it for today, until tomorrow. Bye Bye

Yesterday

Here is a sum up of what i did yesterday:

Wednesday:

7:30am - 500ml water & tablets
8:20am - 3 apples
9:30am - 1hr of toning class
10:30am - 500ml water
10:45am - GYM (target heart rate 125-145bpm)

* walker 3k for 40:34sec, heart rate 137
* cycle machine for 10mins, cycled 5.78k, heart rate 131
* water drunk 500ml during hour


11:45am - 500ml water
12:15pm - 3 eggs scrambled with red pepper and spring onion
1:40pm - 250ml water
15:00pm - Chicken salad
15:30pm - 250ml water drunk
16:00pm - carrot sticks
16:30pm - slept as had a massive head ache
19:30pm - 500ml water
20:30pm - Tuna Salad

The day before weigh in

Hello all,

Well today has been a very easy day for me. After yesterday and all the exercising that i did i was feeling really good this morning. However not long after i had taken my tablets did i feel very very unwell. Now normally i have room temp water but this morning it was ice cold. This then carried on for the rest of the day as i struggled to keep food in me. However the up side was i was taking on water. So nothing really exciting happened to me. Its a shame as i did so well at the gym yesterday. I did it. I walked 3k in one hit. It was the most fab feeling in the world. After doing the toning class in the morning beofre i think i really warmed up well to hit the time as well. now i have to go to sleep so this really is a short one. but i know i have been eating and drinking more since Tammy Told me to start writing things down. Weather this will help me i dont know. I only started this on tuesday, now have i already shot myself in the foot with the days beofre of not eating or drinking so much? I really hope not. But as God as my witness, and with william being away i need to fend for myself and step up to the mark and keep this detox into shape. So as you can see from my prev post i have created myself a plan for next week. Ahhhhh 4ltrs of water a day? can i do it? we shall see.

So untill tomorrow my little fairy's, nite nite

PS: here is the summary of what i have done today

6:45am - 500ml water with tablets
8:30am - 3 apples
9:30am - 500ml water
11:30am - 3 eggs scrambled with red pepper & spring onion
12:45pm - 500ml water
14:30pm - half a pasta salad (couldn't eat as feeling sick)
15:00pm - 500ml water
15:30pm - sleep as had a head ache
18:30pm - 500ml water
20:00pm - plain salad
21:00pm - 250ml water
22:15pm - 250ml water

My Weekly plan

Anger

Hello peeps. Well i have just finished writing the blog for the last few days and well i wanted to touch on the subject of Anger. Now yesterday night when William came home, which was at 7:30pm, i was a little upset. Well i wanted to go swimimng and well he didn't. Now on Sat this week he flies to Las Vegas for a week for work. I am really upset that i couldn't go with him. You see i could have got Tammy to meet me there for the weekend and well really had fun. But the flights were toooo expensive and well we couldnt really afford that, money for me for food and well the money to put the doggy in the kennels. Also i don't think i would fit in with the "exc wives" just yet. So as i was saying, this row we had. It was very very silly. It all boiled down to i thought William wasn't make any time for me this week. It rattled me so much so that i couldn't even cry about it. I wasn't upset but i was just simply angry. It got to the point where i was 110% pure evil to William. I really should not have been so angry at him. It is not his fault. It was nearly all my doing last night, he was just the person in the receiving end. I was feeling soooo bad for myself about how i was treating him that i couldn't even be in the same room as him. And yet i found that i couldn't tell him this. Why do i always get like this when i can not get what i want. I realise that sometimes i can not controll how i feel, and yet William stands by me no matter what. William if your reading this, and i know you will at some point. I want to tell you that i am, truly sorry for the way i treated you. It was not right and i did not mean to hurt you as i did. Your the missing part of my life and i really would be lost if i didnt have you with me, side by side for the rest of my waking days. In the words of Scott Miles on radio one "you complete me". I love you sweety and i'm sorry. Forgive me?

Sorry for the delay - i've been busy

Hello peeping world, well what a very packed time i have been having. I think today just need a summary so here goes:

Saturday:
Didn't wake up until 8am, tried to get things done then went back to bed to have cuddles with William. Took doggy for a run and went round the shops for a bit, then ended up in the garden pulling weeds and planting some new plants in my hanging baskets. Ended the day by having a mamouth Zelda session but we finally are nearly there. Almost that is, lol.

Sunday:
Woke up nice and early and well we went to Gunwarf Queys and looked in the shops. Had a nosey in the card shop and also Paperchase and it was great. Ended up getting back home late. We took doggy for another run up the hill and then we went out to dinner with my mum and sister, and also baby James. After dinner (which was a meatless roast with no gravy) we went back to my mums house where i had an extra long (nearly 2hr) cuddle with James, and also bathed him. Now i have never, Ever bathed a baby before in my life. I know that is bad considering i have 2 nephews and a neice but i have never been asked if i would like to bath them, only when they are sitting up in a bath is when i get involved. So on one side of me i have my sister, and the other my mum. Now this was annoying. My sister was telling me the way she has been taught from the hospital, and my mum, well the way she always had done it. In the end because of James Prem status and how small he was i chose Rebecca's way. Now this was funny because you basically hold him like your weighing a sack of potato's in the supermarket. Or another way like your holding a tray. Now when i got him out of the bath Rebecca said to raise him up and down to get rid of the drips. What she failed to tell me was that he would stretch out at this point. This then scared me so my only reaction was to grip tightly on his tiny body (all 5lb 11oz) and squeeze him close to my chest in fear of falling. This then humored my sister who was waiting with a towel as she said whilst chuckling "i forgot to tell you he does that). I was not happy.

Monday:
Bad start to the day. After all the walking i did yesterday i managed to hurt my ankel so i couldnt do the work i wanted to at the gym. Instead i did 10 mins walking and 30 mins on the cycle machine. I was feeling really bad at this point however i couldnt really push myself so i had to rest. Then the talk from Tammy came at 4pm.

Right i have to make a correction to what was said in my last blog when i spoke to Tammy. If i fail on stage one, we will NOT go onto stage 2. We will take a rest and then start over again. Not the other way which i had said. So how am i doing she asks. The first thing i could think of was i only lost 1lb and how upset i was about this, and also at the lack of work i did at the gym in the morning. Tammy listened while i went on for ages it seamed and then gave me so very sound advice. Tammy is great like that. Always knows how to cheer me up. We then started speaking about how i was eating and drinking. So i started to list all the things i was doing. Then she said very quietly, but very forcefully, "your not eating enough". Wow. Now she has said it i know i'm not eating enough. Turns out all the work in the gym is very good but i now need to eat more carbs and protein. So one of my goals this week has been set, Write down all the food i have been eating and times, gym exercising and heart rates and also when i have water. We also spoke in a big detail about what type of foods i need to eat, for example, within 1hr of finishes exercise i need to eat some eggs. Yummy i thought. Eggs. hmmmmmmmm.
So hear are my goals for this week:
1) send email to Tammy daily on what i have done for the day, exercise, food, drink ect.
2) Eat Pasta at Lunch
3) Eat More Food
4) Write a meal plan and send to Tammy
5) Drink more water
6) Visit gym 5 times this week (walk 3k daily)
7) Go to toning class and swim twice this week.

Tuesday:

this was my day, nothing else really happened.
6:55 - 500ml water and tablets
8:00 - 3 apples

9:15am - GYM (target heart rate 125-145bpm)

* walker 1.5k for 20:52sec, heart rate 132
* cycle machine for 10mins, cycled 5.8k, heart rate 128
* cross trainer for 10 mins, 0.78k, heart rate 144
* walker 1.5k for 21:05sec, heart rate 144
* water drunk 500ml during hour


10:30 - 500ml water drunk
11:00 - 20 min walk home uphill (no bus running)
11:30 - scrambled eggsx3 with red pepper and spring onion
12:15 - 500ml water drunk
13:30 - tuna salad
14:28 - 500ml water drunk
15:47 - 3 whole carrot cut into sticks and red pepper sticks
17:30 - 500ml water drunk
19:00 - 500ml water drunk
19:30 - chicken salad
21:00 - 500ml water drunk

Weigh in Day

Hello all. Well today i woke up and i was very very exciting. I wanted to see if all my hard work had paid off. But we will come to that in a min. you see after my last post yesterday i decided to go and have a walk down to Tesco's to meet William from work. While i was there i decided to get a pink 500ml water bottle and also a yoga mat to go with my fitness ball. You see yesterday i did some research on the internet about different exercises i could do with my ball and then i came upon some i could do on the mat, with some weights. Now i spoke with Tammy and see gave me some good tips on Tuesday so while i was in Tesco, once William had joined me we purchased a dumbell tree of 2x1kg weights, 2x1.5kg weights and 2x3kg weights. All in a very handy carry tree/display. Well carry that to the car was funny as william had to and the combined weight was 11kg, more then he is used to lifting. lol. So as we arrived home we cooked the chicken which i was telling you about yesterday. OMG it was amazing! by the time we had reached home, delivered the Avon and also walked the doggy it was rather late so we just ended up having the chicken with some small salad. I will post the details of that another time however i don't have them to hand now. As i was saying, after we had dinner i decided to try the weights out. So while i was watching Russel Howard on TV at 10:30 last night i was using the weights to tone up my arms and i was also sitting on my exercise ball. William pumped it up again as it started to deflate a little, but you could tell the difference. So i was bouncing and stretching, and before i knew it i had been at it for 30mins! i know, i was shocked at the same time. So i packed the weights away, but not before William jumped on the ball and started to mimic what i had been doing to see if he could "feel" the difference.

So onto this morning. Well as i said previously i woke up in fine form, i was up and dressed and we were sitting outside the supermarket before the shop opened at 8am. I kept thinking out i can see a decrease in my waist in inches and was trying to think if i had lost 2/3/4lbs even. So when the doors opened i quickly ran to the weigh machine, well when i say ran i really mean a quick walk so i wouldn't seam to egar and just appear calm. So as i took my shoes off(as i always do) i paid my money and waited for the result. 1lb. Thats it? 1lb? after all the crap i put myself through this week in the gym, after all the good food i have eaten, after all the water i have drunk? 1lb! i was in shock. I couldn't believe it. As William weighed himself he kept saying that i have done good this week and my body has been building muscle and loosing fat. He said that muscle weighs more then fat so the fat that i have lost 1lb is a good thing. I was not happy. I got really upset and i really couldnt think of why i did not loose anymore. I mean for god sake i have walked 6k this week. That is 6k more then any other week i have done! So what is the f**king point? I then went to sad to angry in a matter of seconds. This i calmed down after smelling pretty pretty flowers. So i was not going to let this spoil me, so i did my normal shop and brought all very very nice things.

On the way home i was talking with William and i said maybe i have over done my time at the gym this week, and should there for have a rest today and the weekend. This went on for 10 mins on why i should and why i shouldn't. By the time i got home i had decided that i really Should go to the gym, so before i had chance to change my mind i had changed and was in the car again on my way to the gym. When i got there met Lee, a lady i have been working out with all week. I explained about the weight loss and as she is a ex-fitness army officer she said with the work i have been doing muscle has really been building up so i should be proud. She also said in a couple of weeks when those muscles had formed the fat should then start to fall right off. This was really encouraging for me. I know William had already told me this however when it comes from an outsider you take it in more. So i was happy. She left me to my work out as i arrived just as she was about to leave. After that i did my 2k walk in 29mins today. I know a little longer then yesterday but i took it a little easily then the previous days. I went on the cycle machine and then cross trainer, however my legs were close to breaking point at 5mins so i quickly swaped back to the cycle machine for the final 5mins.

After my work out William picked me up and we went to the table top sale in the community centre below the gym. I managed to get some very very lovely stamps and also a very pretty broach for next to nothing. One stamp was for £1 and was brand new, now i have seen this stamp in hobby craft and it was going for £17.99. I quickly paid the lady and left. lol her loss my big gain. So untill later my blogging friends, i'm off to stamp, stamp, stamp!

bye bye

Day before weigh in

Well after the mammoth post i did this morning, however only just noticed i didnt publish i thought instead of contiuning i would write another. So how has my day been so far?

Well again i started off by going to the gym. I love going at this time of the morning because it gets it out of the way. Also it means i can get on the running machine first, but that's a selfish view right? lol. So today i listened to my music on my Blackberry. It was great because i had downloaded some workout music and with that being a faster beat then normall, and also the fact i am getting fitter i managed to walk 2k in 28mins today! thats a whole 5mins faster then tuesday almost! I was sooo happy i took a picture of the screen and sent it to william. After doing this i really needed to push myself on the cycle machine and again i completed 10 mins on this. I then went straight onto the cross trainer, and well after 1 mins i wanted to get off. I couldn't do it. But then i remembered what Tammy had said to me a few weeks ago now about pushing myself further, and if i think i couldn't go anymore try a little bit further. And that is what i did. I pushed and i pushed and i finally managed to complete my 10 mins. It was very very hard for me. After wards i did my leg resistant and the decided to leave for the day. On my way out i popped into one of the tone classes. Before the gym opened i asked the instructor if it was very hard and she explained what it was like. So as i watched i couldn't help but think that i really wanted to join in. So next week im booking myself on that class for one day a week. I think it could and would be very very fun!

When i came home i started to get dinner ready. Last night while i was making a big fruit salad William made me a Tuna salad so we had our lunch for today. So i thought about trying something different so i looked in a chicken cookbook that i have and found a Moroccan chicken recipe. So as i started to work my way through the ingredient list i relaised i didnt have all of them, so i have played around and well i have now made a Moroccan Curry chicken. Now there is no yogurt or a creamy sauce, in fact there is no sauce but the marrinade is very very yummy as i tasted it before i put on the chicken. and yes i did write down the details so i could make again. Ill have to tell you what i think of that later.

So for now then i shall leave you as that is pretty much up to date with me. You can however follow me on twitter im @alyates. This is updated more then my blog at the moment, so untill later my blogging peeps. luv ya xx

Another week, and a different story

Hello everyone! Well what a week i have had, really. So i have not written in a while i think ill give you the condensed version, that way my fingers will not start to bleed with the amount of typing i have to do so hear goes.

Last Thursday:
Well today is the day that me and William take heather out to the forest. It was sooooo much fun. I have never felt so alive and that was really good for me. We were in the forest for about 4 hours walking, using the adventure playground. We even took a picnic and we had a really good lunch in the park. It was wonderful. All that was missing was the doggy. However as heather is only 5 and well coco is a little bit of an attention seeker, we thought best not to take her with us. So as we played in the sunshine i couldnt help but think that it was time to get weighed on Sat and what all of my naughty eating had done to my body. But i tried the bedt i could to put this to one side and well enjoyed the day.

Friday
Well i didn't go to the gym today. After the day i had yesterday i really needed to veg in front of the TV, whilst getting up only going a few things. You see i wasn't watching the TV, i was playing Zelda, DAM GAME IS SOOOOOOOOO ADDICTIVE. Yet i do feel the over powering need to finish it as soon as i can so i can move on with my life knowing that i do love action games, and also knowing that i can be addicted and i will not be buying anything like this again. Or failing that i will try and buy an easy game which does not need two of us working the puzzles out. Well we had a very lazy day in the evening, so to take our minds of the weigh in which was to happen the next day, we went for a walk along the Hilsea Lido and that was fun. So we snuggled in for the night, and well we played Zelda a bit more.

Saturday:
Weigh in Day! well the moment had arrived and as i stood on the scales to get weighed i could not help but think that today was going to be a bad day. And to my shock it really wasn't. Well not really anyway. I weighed myself and i did not put any weight on. Neither did i loose any weight. So i was really happy at this. On this result i went round shopping with William thinking that i will be good this week. so as i filled my shopping trolly up with good nice healthy food my attention turned to the fact that we were going to a BBQ later that day. My god i don't wanna eat bad things i kept saying to myself, so as we got to the butchers i noticed that there were marinated rubs on different turkey breasts. So this is what we brought, and this is what i had. It was very fun actually eating my turkey. It felt like i had my first successful BBQ. This was funny really because people were trying to get me to have all the extra that comes with a BBQ, like ketchup, relish, corn, burgers ect and also bread. However i kept my strenght and well i did not go for it! Ha ha i thought Amy 1 BBQ 0. lol after we finished here we were due to go to a friends for dinner however she was very very poorly so we didnt go in the end. So instead we played Zelda. My oh My how the hours went by.

Sunday:

Well Sunday we had the most relaxing day and it was lovly. We went for a walk around a carboot and really just had fun in the sun. Afterwards we took the dog for a long walk and a swim and got home in late afternoon. We then sat in the sunshine and had a wonderfull chicken salad cooked by my wonderful husband.

Monday:
Today i did not go to the gym however i did spend the whole day completing washing and housework. I gutted almost the house from top to bottom in an attempt to get the house ship shape as i had been leaving it for a while due to last week. So After lots of housework finally finished. Now dont think that my house is dirty all the time, but when you have a doggy you need to hoover almost every day, but after a week of no hoovering it took me several times of cleaning and re-cleaning to get all the dog hairs up from the carpets. After wards i felt really really energize. Now i sent Tammy an email on sunday asking to talk either tuesday/wed/thursday and she replied today to arrange tuesday so tomorrow would be the talk.

Tuesday:
Talking with Tammy Day. Well today as all the housework was completed the day before i decided today would be fitness day, and this is what i did. I went to the gym at 9am and was really excited. William dropped me off and it was a very very good, no great work out. I decided that i really need to buckle down and hit the gym very very hard so i decided that i would this week walk on the treadmill non stop for 2k. So today was my first attempt. Well at the end i was knackered but i did it in 35.2mins. This was not bad for me but i knew as the week moves on i will get quicker. I then went on the bike and did 20 mins cycling covering a staggering 10.8k. that was awesome i thought, and now without a rest i went straight onto the cross trainer. at this point i could only manage 10 mins but then that was enough. I had had it. So as i collected my things i made my way to the bus stop and all was good. However when i got home it was only 10:45am and i wasn't talking to Tammy until 4pm so i then decided to go into Cosham and have a look around the shops. So as i walked i found a wonderful picnic backpack which i would use at the weekend for when i go up and see my sister in Norfolk. As i was making my way home i noticed that i had lost my sunglasses. i tried to retrace my steps however i could not find them and so i was left in the sun. Man i still need to get some more, but i shall look at the weekend. I managed to get home 10mins before speaking to tammy. This was very very lucky. So as i quickly stuffed my lunch which i was almost 3hours late for i logged on to wait for Tammy. There she popped, here goes.

We talked for ages about how i was feeling, what i had done and what i am currently doing. Tammy explained that she thought i had been on stage one of the diet for too long and i needed to show her how much i wanted to get through this, so no cheating on food anymore. I said that i thought she would say this and so on friday i started on stage one again so by tuesday i was already 5 days into a very very good week. Tammy explained that even if i did cheat at all i would still move onto stage 2. I am so determined not to cheat at all. We went over goals for this week and this is the outcome.

GOALS:
1) write a meal plan for the forthcoming week
2) drink 2ltrs of water (not including the water drunk at the gym)
3) Eat pasta at lunch
4) go to gym 5 times this week
5) walking 2k per session in one go.
6) Walk dog once a day
7) NO FAST FOOD!!!!

After this i went downstairs and still feeling good decided to have a meatless roast dinner. I did have the veg gravey as it didnt have yeast or wheat in, however only a little otherwise the whole dish would have been very very dry.

Wednesday:
Today was a very lazy/busy sorta day. I started again by going to the gym. This time however i managed to walk 2k in 31.01mins. So i had improved on yesterdays time. This made me very happy. I then only did 10mins on cycle machine and 10mins on cross trainer. I then did the resistant training as per my workout plan. After i finished i made my way home however i could not keep my eyes open, so i decided to have a nap. Well a little nap turned into 3hours! i know, when i woke up i realized what the time was and went downstairs for lunch as i was hungry, and also i had missed breakfast, and started to make the muffins for william to take to work. I was soooo good i did not have one. Thanks to my four legged friend who sat by the side of me. Everytime i fancied eating some i gave the dog some. You know i think as i get thinning Coco might get fatter. So by the time the cakes were finished i came upstairs and spoke with Bruni over Skype. I love Skype. Mind you after 3hours of talking i wondered where the time had gone. Bruni cracks me up all the time and i love her for it. She knows how to make me laugh, and well god help the day we finally get back onto Second life at the same time as we will be messing some Sim's that's for sure.

After william had arrived home i said good by to bruni and made my way downstairs were i needed to ice the muffins. As i did William sorted through all the Avon as we needed to deliver that on Tomorrow. After we did this we took Coco up the hill and it was fun. She was running round and me and William were messing. It was great, it was like we were flirting and dating all over again. Only this time with a doggy to add to our fun. As me and coco pinned William to the floor we caught a glips of the time and decided to make our way home for dinner. Yum yum i made eastern chicken. Which is really made in veg stock, with chopped chilli, garlic, ginger and corriander. It was very yummy however i thought it would get better if it had some more chilli but William said it would be fine as it is. So I sat down in the sofa and started to watch telly. The next thing i knew William was waking me up telling me to go to bed, so i dragged myself up to bed and fell asleep.

What a week.

Hello all,

Well what a week i've had. There is not much that i can really say but i know i have to so i can then move on from this dark week. Well on Friday i lost 2lbs. I was really upset at this as my target was 3lbs. I know 2lb is a good thing especially since i lost 7lbs the week before, but i was feeling very very down. But this didn't really stop me from getting on with things. So Friday after noon we went for a walk while William decided to go for a run. It was lovely. The sun was shinning and well we were in good spirits. It then went on to Saturday. Now normally we go for a swim in the morning however it was that time of the month so we couldn't go. So we had a long walk around the city centre looking for bits and peices that we needed. Again we went for another walk around with the doggy and William had a run. Then sunday arrived. We woke up early and decided to go to the supermarket. however to the shock of William i said we would walk down there. So we did. However we took the long way back and boy was it the long way back. In all we walked for 3 miles. I was excited when we got back and also very very tired. But i did it! and you know what it was fun. Then in the afternoon we went up to visit my nan in hospital. As the time went by we talked as much as she could however she was extremely sleepy. So after another failed attempt of trying to get her to eat her dinner we said our good byes and came home.

On Monday William tried to wake me up however i couldnt get up, i was so tired. So he left me in bed. The next thing i knew my phone was ringing. It was my mum. It was a kinda blur but all i heard was Nan is not well and dad and uncle Alan are on there way up. Without thinking i was dressed and was just about to leave when i got another phone call. My nan had passed away. Now my mum does not have a good relationship with my nan, which is on my dad's side. Its funny cos mum was somber as she told me. As i hung up i reached for my phone and called william. It was then that i started to cry. At first i was gonna say to William to stay at work however i really needed him and well he came home. By this point i had cleaned most of the house, had washing on the line and well trying to do things to keep me busy. It was only when i sat down in the living room with my bowl of berry fruit salad that my phone went again. This time it was my dad. He explained that he didnt want me up the hospital becuase it was all hectic and i was better off at home. He explained that she went peacefully and was now in a better place. I knew dad was upset so i didnt stay on the phone for long. After Dad spoke to me i was really upset. I started thinking about all the time i could have gone to see nan and i didnt. But through the tears William was cuddling me and kept holding me tighter. After a while William decided to take me out for some food as i was hungry. Man i can really eat when im upset. So after eating many many naughty items i asked William to take me to visit my dad. So as we all sat talking for a few hours we decided to leave as dad kept getting phone calls about my nan for various people. When we got home all i could think of was thanking the nurses for looking after my nan. So thats what i did, i made lots and lots of cakes and took them to the ward when my nan had spent the finale few weeks of her life. I gave them over and thanked the nurses all the time william was with me. i have to admit that i did eat alot of cakes while making them. It was like nothing mattered and i comfort eating. After we took the cakes to the hospital with a thank you card we decided to go for a drive. Well the drive was very long and afterwards again we were hungry. And again we decided to have some food out. Again we had again we had many things i should not have had. But after the day i have had i really didnt care. As we got home afterwards i went to bed as i could not keep my eyes open.

on tuesday i decided that i was not going to carry on my mamouth day of free range eating and decided to get back on the wagon, so to speak so on Williams way to work i got him to drop me off at the gym. I really exercised quiet slowly, but i did my work out and was pleased. Still feeling a bit down i decided to hop on the bus and go into cosham, so i did. I had a look round the shops and got a throwing arm for the dog so we could go walking later. About an hour after getting in i decided to go for a walk with coco, and so i did, this time for 1hr. i had fun just relaxing in the sunshine. As William couldnt get home till later i decided to go home and start dinner so i mad a wonderfully chicken salad. However made a marinade to flavour the chicken. I have never been so hungry in all my life so as William walked through the door i handed him his dinner and was already tucking into my own. After dinner i said to William we should walk the doggy again, and well so we did. As we came home i mad a huge fruit salad for the week and William cleaned the kitchen. By the way at this point i was also making a large pot of carrot and squash soup.

So onto today, Wednesday. I started the day off right again by being at the gym at 9am this morning. I had fun today and well i was putting more of an effort in what i was doing. Still i was not feeling as good as i was last week but the exercise really helped me get that get up an go.

Anyway im going to have some soup as it is lunch time. Now things have cleared up in my head i feel fine to start to blog again. So until later my blogging friends. xx

The day before weigh in

Hello all, sorry not written sooner i have had a strange day. Well it started off with me not really wanting to get up at all. Well William tried to wake me, or so he said however i was having none of it. Bless him he really wants to make a go of things for fitness so he decided that he was going to have a run this morning. This he did, though he later told me that it was not very far. I don't blame him as we do live in a hilly area. he said Coco ran by the side of him, and after realizing that this is not a game ran really well. Though William was in a good mood until lunch time when he told me that this run had made him really rather hungry. Well i had a quiet day, after my mammoth exercise yesterday. Well i did go swimming last night. however i did spend most of the time in the swimming pool just relaxing rather then swimming. but in between relaxing i did swim 300m. Which is more then i thought i would do.

Well about 4:30pm today i got rather board so decided to walk down and go to the gym. Why not? So off i went and well i had fun today. I think if i left it a couple of days - which is what i was going to do, then i would have really had trouble today. When i got tot he gym Sharron the instructor was sat at her desk. So as i started i put on my mp3 player and away i went. Then all of a sudden there was this loud bang, followed by another. What the fuck was that i was thinking. Then another and it was clear. Some kinds were on the ground and were throwing rocks at the windows. what the hell is the world coming to when kids, on a really lovley sunny day, decide that playing football is not an option, and instead go to the local community center and throw rocks at windows. Well after a few Sharon decided to call the local community officers, and within mins the rocks had stopped. Now back to work out. So as i carried on working out an old friend walked in. So as we chatted and caught up on everything that has been going on in both our worlds. Beofre long my work out was finished.

Now after i finished William met me from the gym and so we took the dog for a walk around the lake by the Hilsea lido. it was very romantic, and even though i just had been working out the stroll was very nice with the dog and William. So the sun was setting and there was a quietness about. Lovley.

So on that note, I think ill hit the sack as after all, i do get weighed..........

The Gym

Well hello again folks, its blog time again. Well man do i ache! I had my gym induction today. now induction usually means and time to introduce you to items of gym equipment, not give you a full blown work out! My god do i now hurt! Well i arrived on time and was automatically given a form to sign and answer questions. Right so im now spending 10 mins filling in forms, this is a great work out for hands, but not really what i was after. Well then she got tough. I say tough but really she was very very polite and spoke to me all the way through explaining things and agreeing to a work out plan. however the darkness fell and she turned into a work out monster! Ok i have been playing too much Zelda but she did become very very stern in what i had to do. So to start she gave me my warm up. 10 mins on the tread mill at 3pmh. This was uber hard! i was in shock. I was wearing my new trainers and they made my feet hurt like hell. Not only the back but the sides of my feet as well. This is not good, i have another hour of this. So as the 10 mins finished i was secretly wiping the seat from my face so she wouldn't see me. Getting a sweat on whilst warming up is never a good sign right? Well after this she took me over to the weights to have some resistance training. We used weights for my arms and also my legs. It was ok cos i was sitting down so i only felt the pain in my legs as i tried to lift 4kg with my shins, nice i though as i strained to lift my legs up without screaming in agony. Then came the cardio. My god i have never know pain like doing 35 mins of pure cardio in one amount of time. She was telling me that i had to do 20mins of cardio on one machine and then 10 on another, but we need to work towards that. So for now my routine is now, 10 mins on the bike, 10 mins cross trainer, and 10 mins on the treadmill again. All of the settings on these machines all set to random. I now have to aim to keep my heart rate in 125-145bpm. This i had no problems doing. So as i cycled away i though this was ok, not to bad. Then i finished, i felt rather good about myself. Then she put me on the cross trainer. Ok this is now hard. As i counted down the mins it seamed to get longer and longer. Come on come on i kept thinking. Also thinking about random stuff like, what does chocolate and mayo taste like? This is probably because i watched a tv show last night which had a lot of chocolate in. Then after finishing on this i needed a little break. but Mrs fitness instructor did not want to give me a rest. oh no, so with sweat now dripping from my for head and my heart going ten to the dozen, i started on my ten min walk on the treadmill. Ok you can do this i thought. She said i had to start trying to walk without my hands on the machine, however i couldn't do it. I needed to hand on as i thought my legs would give way and that would be it. So holding so tightly i thought my fingers would melt into the plastic as i was now getting very very hot and sticky. And so the mins turned to seconds and then i had finished. Thank fuck for that! Sorry bout swearing but it kinda summed up how i was feeling. Then she turned to me and said it now time to cool down. So as she walked to the cycle machine i kinda dragged myself behind her trying not to make a wimper sound as at this point i was licking my paws in shock. Ok 3 mins on the cycle machine. So as i sat cycling slowly she chatted to me and explained what would happen now and i was basically now finished my work out. I got off the machine after the 3 mins and then we stretched and she led me downstairs for my photo. PHOTO! i know. out of any time i could have had a photo take it was after i had worked out, and on a day i have not washed my hair because i was going swimming later! I really really do not want to see that picture any time soon. So as we said good bye she reminded me of the exercises to do at home on a big blue ball if i could get one. Apparently its all in the hip action. So if you see me walking down a street and im wiggling my hips you know i have to do it, the instructor told me so.

Now after i had finished i waited about 5 mins and William arrived to pick me up. I told him how it all went and he was happy. It was only after we got home that i realized how much pain i was going through. Lets just say so far William has helped me out of the car and up the stairs as i think my legs have taken a short break to any where away from the rest of me. They have placed a huge sign saying, exercise will be banned, we are on strike. So not sure how swimming is going to go later, we shall have to see. so until later. bye bye x

Tammy's Weekly Talk

Hello blogging world. Sorry this is later then normal, had things on my mind and well trying to loose myself in the web so i don't have to do things. Not good really but it seamed to kill a few hours. Well nothing really has happened today however at 3:30pm today i have my gym induction, so ill blog later and tell you about it. Well let me get on and tell you about my chat with Tammy yesterday.

Well yesterday i was still on a low from Monday. It was because of this that i had some chocolate. I know it was a bad thing however i really wasn't feeling the whole eat healthy thing. So as i was logging in i had it written on a piece of paper all the things i did wrong at the weekend and needed to tell Tammy. We spent almost 40 mins of just pouring out my soul to her. She is the most wonderful friend for letting me do this. You know it is so hard to speak to William or in my family some times on how i am feeling because they all act differently. William will be sympathetic, My dad will try and fix things and well my mum will listen but then change the subject. Its never the same. but with Tammy, no matter what mood I'm in she still reacts the same, and well i think that is why i can open up to her about everything. I told her my inner feelings, lately i have been keeping some back from hear because maybe I'm not ready to let the whole world hear about them just yet, but it is always good to let most of the wires out the jar right?

Well first thing Tammy wanted to say to me after our heart to heart was how well i had done the week before. She was excited that i have managed to pull the cat out of the bag and get my backside into gear. She was really happy and talking about what i had actually achieved really put a smile back on my face. I was able then to tell her what a good girl i have been. Tammy has been reading my blog so she then went on give give me her comments on what i had been up to. They were all positive. She loved that i had been honest and well keeping up with the blog is a great idea. She had a few pointers she wanted me to follow. The main thing really was try and find something to eat when feeling down which is within my food allowance. I know i know, this is not knew to me but again Tammy said it in a way which i could understand. I don't know how she does it but that girl can put a rainbow in the toughest storm and make things glow again. Well we spoke a lot about different food and she went into details over the craving for sugar i have been having. Tammy said the last time round we tried to detox that if the craving sugar got to much then i should try having fruit as a last option. Well i did that a lot last week and i told Tammy this. She has asked me this week not to give in to this craving now and eat something savory sweet instead. So Morrisions better have a good stash of red peppers when i go shopping cos i am going to get loads. I never knew that when you detox the back yeast in your tummy is dying so if you have cut out wheat and yeast it then starts to crave sweet things, like chocolate. If i then feed it fruit, although healthy option to sweets, it is not helping with the detox. You can have fruit in the morning, now hear is wear i get confused. I am sure she said something about enzymes and blood stream, but there is only so much i can keep in and well when things start to get technical i can understand when explained, but after that i have no clue. I have been like that for years. It is probably why i was good at pop quizes at the end of science class my failed rotten in my GCSE Exams. After a while chatting we came up with some goals for me to achieve this week so here goes.

GOALS:
1) Go to gym 3 times this week.
2) Go swimming 3 times this week
3) Wii active once a day
4) Only fruit in the morning.
5) Eat veg sticks in the afternoon
6) NO FAST FOOD INC CRISPS!!!
7) 3lbs weight loss this week
8) DRINK WATER

So there you have it guys, maybe next time ill go into more detail. Untill later tonight after ive been to the gym and swimming ill write some more. Bye bye x

Easter Weekend

Hello all! Sorry i have not had chance to blog however i have had several things happen this weekend with has meant i really have not had the time to. But can i say now that it has not been the best weekend. i have really struggled to try and keep on top of things, food wise that is however it has really not been the best. So let me give you a run down of how my weekend went.

Friday:
After we went swimming we decided to go and visit my nan. She is my nan on my mums side. Well earlier on a had a txt and a phone call from my Uncle John. As he was going to pick up my cousin from his army barracks Oxford, he had decided to stay the night there. He asked if i could come and stay at his house and keep my nan company. So as we sat talking to my nan who was in the middle of doing her hair, i asked if i needed to bring anything with me. My nan is so funny, we can talk about the same topics but they do seam to change a little every time she speaks. As she was busy i waited until she had finished her hair before we went downstairs for a drink. As we sat in the kitchen William popped his head in to say hello as he was trying to fix my Uncle's laptop. After we had stayed a while we returned home to have our much awaited Fish. Yummy, it was sooooooooo nice. The sesame seeds really gave it a lovely taste and i was happy with the result, and will defiantly have again. After this i started to play Zelda, yet again. Something which has now made me completely addicted. Much to Williams upset.

Saturday:
We woke up fairy alive this morning. on Friday when i was making the salad for our fish i carried on and made a berry fruit salad for this morning and also sunday morning. I tried to make as much as i could so then i didn't have to do much work for this day. Something which worked really really well. So after waking up and having my tablets before William had surfaced was very very good. As the time got on it was 8:00 o'clock and i really wanted to get the house work done, so that's what we did. So as William cleaned the kitchen and sorted the washing i cleaned all the other rooms in the house. We were planning on going swimming this weekend however decided to only go on Monday morning because of the things we needed to get done. So by 10:30am everything was done. So as we got our things together we headed into Portsmouth as we had found from shop vouchers that we thought we could spend. My God has losings weight changed the way i can shop! Normally i would need to sit down every so often as my back would hurt, or even worse, because i "just needed the rest". However this time, we only took a break once as my feet were hurting because i had spent the past 3 hours looking in shops, walking back and forth endlessly at things and standing still. I had to admit i was very very impressed. Also i think because i had done so much in the morning (hovering the whole house ect) it kinda all added up. As we were in town we decided to have lunch, so yet again i looked for Subway. I love it there because you can choose what you like. So this time i had plain steak, but no cheese, and uber and uber amounts of salad. I had to ask the girl several times for more salad as she was packing however i knew i had gone to far when she gave me the most dirtiest look of all time. I then went to the counter to pay along with Williams. Bless him. He sat looking at me with his foot long saying sorry every second he could between mouthfuls at the fact he was having a bread. I tried to tell him he was fine however i just think he was a hungry puppy as leading up to lunch he was becoming very very irritated and snappy. So after i had finished my salad i was still hungry and so this is where it got bad. I had a packet of crisps. I know, i know i shouldn't have done it but i did. I did however look for the low fat ones, and the one's with the less calories. After that, i wan not hungry anymore. The seamed to hit the spot just right. Oh i forgot to say, another reason why we went to town is to by me a belt. You see a couple of weeks ago i started to wear a pare of jeans i had found at the back of my wardrobe which i hadn't been able to fit into. Well i tried them on and they fitted perfectly. However after going through my washing cycle of stuff which has about a 3 week turn over with the amount of clothes that i own, i put them on again today. Wow. Not only are they now big on me, but i can now put them on, and take them off without unzipping them. This was much cause of celebration in the house, however not to much as they kept falling down. So first thing's first. Find and new belt. I have never worn a belt before. Well i have had one, that's a lie, but only on clothes as part of decoration. Now i was using a belt because i needed to keep my jeans up. Perfect. So we chose a black one, with a pretty pattern on and so, as i write this, i am sitting with such item perfectly in place doing what it needs to do. Wonderful. Also they fit on my other pare of jeans too, so it really was a good thing to get. After we got home it was time to go to my mums and get my nan to go home. Now when we arrived my nan was already at home. My mum had taken her home early so it was nice just talking to my mum and dad. It was also when i found out that my other nan, on my Dad's side was in hospital. But i'll tell you more on that under Monday. So as we were talking after how my sisters were getting on, and everything else we could possibly think of, Mum looked up and asked if we wanted some food for tea. Ah ha my planning has paid off. So form my bag of goodies i had previously prepared emerged a wonderful prawn salad. So as i ate this everyone else had a gammon in a roll and crisps. Again i was very very naughty and had another packet of crisps. i know i know. But there is only so many times you could say no before you just take the packet to keep them quiet. I have to admit, i felt really bad about eating them, so i didn't eat all of them. As time was getting on we decided to leave and head to my Nan's. So with an over night bag, and an over night food bag we left. It was about 9:30pm and i had been chatting with my nan for a few hours over again, bits and bobs when Nan asked if i was thirsty and wanted a cup of tea. I said no in favor of some water i had in a bottle by the side of me. However Nan would not really take no for an answer, but i was strong this time and kept saying the NO. She finally got the message and then started on would you like form food. Again i said no to crisps, which was her favorite choice as this is what she had at this time of night. Again this time i said no and tucked into a little fruit compote of rhubarb and apple. It was very very yummy. I loved it really. i was at this point very very proud of myself. I know i had too slips today, but they were not major, so it was ok in my eyes.

Sunday:
Breakfast at my Nans. Now i knew this would be tough on me so luckily i had become prepared. So i took my tablets and had a large glass of water even before i was dressed and out of my room. This in its self without William reminding me again was a very good thing for me. so after i was dressed i headed into the kitchen to start on breakfast. I had arranged with my nan and William that i would cook a cooked breakfast, and that is what i was going to do. However not for me. Oh no i was a very very good girl. So as i ate my prepared berry fruit salad made on Friday for today i was cooking bacon, eggs, sausages, beans, toast and hot cross buns. It all looked so yummy. I needed a plan to take my mind off the food, so about 1 hour after eating the fruit i served breakfast to a hungry mob. Now my nan is from a generation of cooking in Lard. So for me to cook everything in grills, oven and poaching the eggs was all new to her, but boy did she love it. The food had flavor. Well so she told me. During the cooking process i was very very tempted to eat what they had, but oh no i kept strong. The smell was so nice i think i can still smell it now. Instead of heaving what would have been under the old diet plan as ok, as no fat was used and all was extremely lean and healthy food (apart from the sausages of course) i instead has red pepper, spring onions in scrambled eggs. It was nice as i sat on a chair watching nan and William eat whilst i held my big bowl of eggs. My nan didn't believe that i was not going to have what she had but understood that if this it what it takes, then i'm gonna do it. After we had cleared up it was time to leave and so we said our goodbyes. It was then we went to a craft fair in Portsmouth, which William completely spoilt me in buying a very pretty bracelet and matching necklace. Something i have now been wearing the past few days. Trying to match your jewelery to you clothes is ok, but when you have your jewelry on first and the matching what you wear for that day based on the fact you want to wear the necklace is all rather new to me, but i managed. After we had spent a few hours looking round the fort and all the craft stalls we come home and started to play Zelda, yet again. I had a feeling we would be playing this for some time this weekend and sure enough he we went again.

Monday:
Well Monday started ok. We got up early as we said we would and we went swimming. I had my tablets and water and so i was fighting to go. Well that is a lie really. To say we were fighting was probably more like falling asleep in the car on route. We were in the pool at 7:30am. Now normally this is not to bad for William as he gets up and is out the house for work at this time, however we were playing Zelda until 1:00am and so we needed a pick me up. As we same i noticed that i was in fact getting faster. However with speed ment i had to retire sooner then i wanted to. So after we went to Morrisons where we had breakfast. Now i tried to find something on the menu which i could have and really i couldn't. So i ran back in the store, brought some fruit and had this. It was yummy. So William was eating another cooked breakfast and i was having fruit. However the smell of eggs were appealing. So i then ordered some eggs, completely plan. Unfortunately they were fried eggs, but even better is that they were cooked on a hot plate. so i started to munch away and i was quite happy. I didn't know then that today was going to be very rough for me. you remember i told you that i found out my nan was in hospital, well i had said to my dad that i would go and see her with him. I really think he was happy at this as so as we made our way to the hospital dad was explaining what was wrong with her. My heart sunk. Now i have not seen my nan in almost 2 years. you see in her old age she has set upon the fact that my sisters has well, not in her favor because they had children before marriage. Something which is not pleasant but for some reason she likes me. I really am in two minds on weather i wanted to see nan because of this as i love my sisters to bits however as William kept reminding me, i am not doing this for nan, i am doing this to support my dad. Now my nan had a fall in the bathroom as she is stubborn and doesn't like any help. (remind you of anyone??? lol) and well he broke her leg. Now i thought what anyone would and think she would be in a cast however this is not the case. She has broken the main bone in her thigh. To the pint it snapped and both pieces are now pointing in the wrong direction. But there is more, they can not operate. So at the age of 79, my nan currently is lying in hospital in traction. She cant move and is in constant pain. As we arrived to her bed i realized why i didn't want to see her. It was clear that my nan didnt really understand who i was a first, her eyesight has almost gone, and she couldn't really hear what we were saying - or really understand for that matter. Now no matter what she had said or done in the past no one should ever have to be in that state. My heart really sank. Inside i was fighting the tears because i couldn't show them. Dad seamed to think after this hospital trip she will end up in a nursing home, and all i kept thinking was why did it have to get to this point to see her. I couldn't help but go over and over in my mind why have i not supported my dad sooner is helping him with my nan but just going with him to see her. Its obvious my nan has been getting worse, why didn't i see the signs when dad spoke about it? So as i spoke with her she told stories of where she went i London the night before, something which i think she was remembering form her past. I was really chocking up inside. She wasn't even in her own bedclothes. She was still wearing the hospital gowns, and she had been in there for a week! I know my dad visits her every time he could however he doesn't have access to her house so i couldn't really blame him. As the time went on both William and dad left and came back to the room as they really didn't like hospital beds. After everything that goes on this is the last of dad worries. So dinner time arrive in the hospital and so they asked if i was ok at feeding my nan. As dad and William at this point had gone for a walk i said yes. I had to keep looking away as not to show my tears. I was feeding the woman who the last time i spoke and saw her was able to feed herself. As she looked at me, all eyes gazed over opening her mouth for more i really had to be strong. The nurses kept saying that just give her as much as she wanted, but she must have been hungry as she ate nearly every bit of her food. During this time William and dad come to her bed and watched as we ate. Dad mentioned he feed her the day before and it went everywhere. I think he loved the fact that i was feeding her though, meant she had a good meal inside her. After dinner the nurses said they were going to move her traction on her leg and it was going to take a while and would be distressing. They asked he we wanted to leave or wait, Dad took the decision at this point it was time to leave as we had been at her side for about 2.5hrs. As we said goodbye she said over and over thank you for coming. Why does this pull on my heart strings? I, at this point just wanted to get out and forget about it, but i couldn't. As we traveled back to dad's we talked about bits and bobs trying not to talk about nan. Before we knew it we were home. We spent a few hours talking with mum and dad and then we left to come home. This point i was mentally and physically drained. It was then that i made a very very bad choice. We had burger king. I was hungry and really still in shock. This is my no means cause for having something very very bad to eat but it was the only place open and well we were hungry. All i kept thinking about was how i fed my nan and it was very upsetting. I was extremely quiet. William did all he could to try and comfort me by saying i was amazing, but its no use, I am just doing what anyone who have done in the circumstances.

I have to take a break now as this pretty much sums up my weekend. So until, after my call from Tammy at 4pm i will blog then.

The Weigh in

Good morning blogging world, how are we all today? I must admit i am on fine form today if i do say so myself. Well let me give you a run down on how my day has been. I woke up at about 7:15am this morning and was completely and utterly full of beans. I was so excited that it was time to get weighed that i woke William up. I know, this is a big shocker even for me. The house was sooo sleepy that even the dog did not want to surface from under the covers where she had made a little bed from the duvet she had stole from me last night! Grrrrrrrr. So as i tried to coax William wake up by getting Coco's ball making her now as wake as me with excitement at a possible early play time. So i started to place the ball under Williams pillow so she would dig underneath and hence wake William. As she did this William woke with a smile and said good morning. Its weigh in day i said to him in an excitable voice like it was Christmas day. No go back to sleep. To this response i pulled all the covers away from him leaving him very very cold. First he was upset and then he was very very shocked that i was so awake and eager to get weighed. Over the past weeks when i have not been following what i should have been we would drive to Morrisions Supermarket and say, if we have put on weight then we shall Tammy that the machine was broken. I have never said this to Tammy and really i don't ever want to hide the truth from her. Whats the point in that, really? Well as we drove to the supermarket i was on cloud nine. It was like i had have 10 cups of coffee and was kinda bouncing from the ceiling. William was impressed at my perkiness and also upset at this as i was very vocal for such an early time of the morning. Something he is not yet used to from me. Then we arrived. As i got out the car all i kept thinking was happy thoughts and it doesn't matter if i hadn't lost the 5lbs, the main thing was that i did my best and i had worked really hard. I'm ten, no scrap that, I'm 100 times better now then i was this time next week and i am not gonna loose this feeling. I started to quicken my step as i got closer to the weighing machine. So here goes, username: entered, Pin:entered, money:paid, standing still. Drum roll please................................................... I did it! Thank the lord in high heavens. My fat backside got herself a new rhythm and i like it. I didn't only loose the 5lb that i wanted to, i lost a total of 7lbs!!!!!! That's right, half a stone, in a week! I was over the moon at this. I really could not beleave it! Well you can imagine that when i was walking round getting my weekly shop i had the biggest grin on my face going! In fact it made me more determined to loose the same next week as well. So after we finished shopping i though a celebration was in order so both me and William headed down to subway. Now do have a heart attack i know i cant have 60% of the stuff they served but i had what i was allowed, according to the diet. I had a wonderfully chicken salad with lettuce, lots and lost of cucumber, green pepper, onion ect. I chose a low fat onion dressing. William on the other hand had a 6"sub, but you know what, it didn't bother me. I was very very happy with my salad. Gone are the thoughts of me crying into my bowl thinking why oh why. Oh no, this is a new start and I'm gonna make a big impact!

When we got home i was still feeling full of energy so we put the shopping away and i started to marinade the fish we have got for tea. Its Cod with sesame seeds and tamari. This is a recipe i found online online which is allowed on my food plan. After this i came upstairs so i could share my news with you all. But not before William changed my blog to reflect my personality more. So plans for the rest of this "good Friday", (did you see what i did, it is good Friday before Easter. man i love jokes.) well to email Tammy the news, go swimming and then clean the house. Followed by a healthy fish supper. So until i blog again. Bye bye for now.

Day before weigh in

Hello all! I'm in good form today. Having fun in fact. Well let me give you the low down. I woke up on my own today at 7am and for once i was wide awake. Chris Moyles was on the radio, or should i say his team was however he was yet again running late. If it wasn't for the fact that he is one of the best radio DJ's out there i would probably have changed the channel along time ago. When i woke up William and the dog were no where to be seen, so i thought they were downstairs making breakfast. Anyhow after i had been to the bathroom i got back into bed and cocooned myself in the duvet. It was at this point i then heard the troops come up the stairs. First the dog jumped on me like i was a trampoline and then William, bless him, started to wake me up by nudging. "tablet time" on hearing this i remembered all the time my mum would wake me up for school saying its time to get and i would just hide under the nice warm duvet where it was safe. As i was thinking about this Coco decided that she wanted my blankets and so with the help of one sleepy Hobbit (Williams nick name) they managed to unravel me from the warm. I wasn't going to get any peace until i sat up so i did like a good little girl and took my tablets in quick time. I don't think William had time to blink as i took them as quickly as i could as i was cold. So as i snuggled back down i was then joined by both man and dog. It was funny because as i was drifting back to sleep i heard William say goodbye and feeling him tuck me in bed. I was completely utterly spoiled when i met him and all he does for me. Next thing i know i can hear the phone ringing - it kept ringing and ringing. When i managed to pick up the phone it had finished. Dam. So i called 1471 and phoned the number. i am sooo nosy that i wanted to know who called. It was Lisa. We had a good chat and i congratulated her on her exams. She is over the moon and well both me and William are too. A doctor in the family, well i never thought i would say that. However i had to cut the call short as Coco took a teddy from the shelf and decided it was her toy and not mine. This was not a good move and so doggy was punished. I took her downstairs and let her into the garden. turns out she was getting my attention as she needed the toilet. I then fell really guilty over her short punishment and decided to spoil her with treats. You know i think she has worked out that i do feel guilty because her treat bin is very very low and it really should last 2-3months with the amount of treats we buy, but this month she has almost had all of them. I think i might go back and give her pears instead. They are much better for her and cheaper.

Now onto the present! well If i can manage to get myself away from the phone. lol. Now i know what William feels like when i keep calling him. She is trying to post my parcel to Bruni today. We have had some problem in the post office and although today we can post things, they can only accpt cash. Now both me and Will do not like to carry money on us. We are of the card revolution. If you can not pay by card don't by it. Silly i know but you get more guarantee if you pay by card the cash. you have two forms of proof, a receipt and a bank statement. well knowing that the invites have to go today Will ended up walking back to work (the post office is in the village near his work), driving the the next village along for a cash machine, driving back to work, walking back to the post office and then back to work. I said he was silly but he said he would post it and that is what he did. Bless him. The only problem was that every time he was walking he phoned me - so in all i was phoned about 6 times in a one hour period. I didn't mind really, its nice when he calls. I just which it was a conversation rather then the type of phone call you phone someone as you don't want to walk in silence. You know the I'm busy phone call, but want to phone someone so they know I'm busy too. I used to do that all the time with my mum when i first moved out. My mum is never one for talking on the phone. you have to catch her in a good mood. That is usually after Rebecca has phoned to speak about James, and just before Marie has phoned to tell her how her day has gone on and how her kids are. But it was always my luck that i phoned last and so she was talked out. It used to bother me alot but then i started acting like her too. I find that i prefer to send cards and letters to people. Maybe it is because i spend all my time alone in the house with Coco, but i think a letter is much more personal.

Well i have to share something with you. Do you remeber i said that chips were banned from my house? well guess what i got in an email today? have a look.
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Have you tried Chips?
UMM. FEEL LIKE...

Chips

Chips are long cuts of potato, golden on the outside and soft within. They are often served with fish, sausages, burgers, steak and (in Belgium) mussels.

Also known as French Fries, they can be thick, thin or even curly, and they’re extra-good with salt, vinegar and ketchup. Shops used to serve them in newspaper, so you could read while you ate, but health ‘n’ safety stopped all that. Make a date (hint) with some chips today!

Order online today at justeat.com


This did not make me very happy at all! I have to admit the picture that was with them look lovely however in life you have to give up the things you love in order to have things to make you live longer to enjoy life. This is my sacrifice today. After all a moment on the lips is a life time on the hips right? Now on to food today. I am completely fed up with chicken and fish. It is doing my head in, so i consulted the food guidelines and meal plans which Tammy had sent to me on stage one. Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah!, i started to sing in my head. Low and behold on day 5 meal plan was stir fry veg with beef! guess what im having tonight baby! I know i said as a goal i would stick to my meal plan, and i am, to a degree. I have said i was going to have veg chilli today. However on stage one i can not have tomatoes so that went out the window. So i have been playing it by ear on what to do for dinner. However there was a but. I could only have for dinner what i had written on the meal plan for the week and nothing else. So the only meals i could really make were the ones i had left. So stir-fry it is tonight. So in a min i am going to walk to tesco to pick up a few things we need. beef being one. I don't mind, I'm in a very good mood today and why not have a little walk.

So until later, bye bye bloggers, have a good day xx

Evening!

Well what a day it has been! I can safely say that I'm happy now, however this has not been the case for the rest of the day. Well after my last post i decided i was going to watch the remaining episodes of Glee. Man i have been hooked into it something rotten. I can now say that i understand it, i miss it and now am waiting for the next series to start. until then i have all the music downloaded on my computer and am listening to constantly.

I have to be honest, after all this it was about 2pm and i really needed to finish lisa's card. So instead of getting on with it i chose to piss about on the internet. Dam facebook games, they are good but the sucker you in until your hooked and then you find you start wasting lots and lots of time playing the dam things. UUUURRRRGGGGGG! they should be banned. you know i think they were designed for students however they are so good that most of friends who play the games all have families of there own, its funny.

It was at this point that i started to go and get some lunch. I know i know, its late, again. I really cant help it. Time just flies past and i don't seamed to get hungry. This can not be good surely? When i realized what the time was i went downstairs and looked in the fridge to get some salad. I noticed we only had a little bit of lettuce left. This is not good. So i made a decision, i was going to have more soup. So i did. I have to say having the same soup every single day is extremly boring and i did not enjoy it one but, but because it was in the fridge i have to eat it other wise it would be a waste of food. So i settled down in the living room and watched a little bit of telly. Then my day started to get worse. i thought i would play a little bit of Zelda and see what would happen. Its only now that i think about it that i really should not have picked up the Wii remote. So with numbchuck in one hand and the remote in the other i told myself that i was only going to play for a little while. YEAH RIGHT DUMMY! 5mins turned to 10mins, then to 30mins, then to 60mins. before i knew it i had been playing for TWO HOURS!!!!!!!!! i would like to say that it was a most enjoyable affair however it sadly was not. I found myself so worked up that i was calling the computer names, swearing at the TV. Now poor William happened to come home right at the wrong moment. So with steam now pouring out of my ears, eyes red with rage, and a sweat which was now being brought on by over activity i really was a welcome home. I couldn't beat the dam monsters! Who invented such a game that could get you soooooo worked up. For God's sake its not even real life. Its a Game, nothing more however this really had put me in a foul mood. In the end i gave up. Well i think i gave up, all i can remember is throwing the remotes to the floor and put on one huge temper tantrum. William knew i was extremely wound up. Why did it get me this bad? William said he is going to take it to work with him tomorrow, i think that might be a good idea, don't you? Well i think it is down to the fact that i have not had chocolate or dairy since Friday, making that 5 days on the wagon. William cleared all the cupboards of everything which was a no no for me. However he failed to mention this to me this morning, as when i went to get the pasta out the cupboard at lunch time i thought to myself, that's strange, its empty. I'll have to take a photo and post on hear, my sweet stash is now no more, well until the detox has finished. So like a drunk who has been denied alcohol, i am not a very nice person to be around at the moment. Withdrawal SUCKS BIG TIME!

After eating dinner, made completely in silence as i was still steaming at the fact i couldn't destroy the monster, i sat down and started to eat. Every bit i took i became more and more at ease and ready to talk to William. I feel really sorry for him as since he came home i had been really really nasty to him. He moved over to the sofa i was sat on and cuddled in after we had finished eating. He then looked at am and said, fancy swimming? All i could say was Yes Please!!!!!!! swimming always makes me feel better, i love it. So we packed the bags and headed out. I only swam 500m today, not very fast but it was enough for me to say to William i had had enough and wanted to go home. So as we left the car walking into out house i felt all my muscles tightening in my legs. Now i know i am swimming faster, my legs hurt.

Anyway i have to sleep now, its 11:32pm and I'm knackered. William has just got off the phone to his sister Lisa so sleep is in order. So nitey nite blogging world.

PS: Lisa passed her exams and she is now a Doctor! only 2 years i think under supervision. bye bye

Goood morning Bloggers!!!

Good morning all. Have to admit im really really well today. After my last blog yesterday i didn't go to bed. Instead i stayed up for a further 2.5hrs and played Zelda on the Wii. William was helping me and it felt good. As we decided enough was enough and went to bed i became very worried if i was going to have bad dreams because the game, well it was a little violent. But as i snuggled down in bed, coco cuddle against my feet under the duvet and William cuddling me i realized that it doesn't matter if i did, because they were dreams, and that is all. You can not be scared of something that happens when you sleep, otherwise you would never sleep. So the next thing i heard was "tablet time". As i kinda raised one eye i noticed it was extremely bright in our bedroom. Yet again William was up and ready for work and had tablets in one hand and water in the other. I didn't want to put this off today so i gladly took both of the items from him. Then it hit me i have no free hands to take the tablets. I think Will laughed at me on seeing this as i really was not awake, but sure enough he held one of the items and so i took my tablets straight away. William then kissed me on the head and said his goodbyes. I think i may have grunted something but can not really remember. The next thing i knew was it was 9:50am and i was listening to Chris moyles car park catch phrase on the radio. He is so funny to listen to, although he is one of those people that if you join a conversation to late, you can quiet easily take it a completely different way it was intended. So the first words i heard were "he has a little one doesn't he?" lol, they were talking about cars, but yeah, i bet you thought the same as me. lol

Well its a big day today for my sister in law. You see last week she sat several exams and they are the finals for her time at uni. Now these exams if passed means that she will find out if she has qualified as a Dr. Now if she does, which lets face it she has more intelligence then she gives herself means she can then work as an F1 in hospitals. She could then call herself a Doctor however not practice without supervision. How cool is that? a Doctor in the family. Though if she is anything like her bother, William, the hospital world better watch out because they have one extremely bright young lady! We said to her when we visited after Christmas that if she passed we would buy her a pink Filofax. Now she could have asked for anything, but she said she had a pen which would match one, and well if that's what she wants then so be it. Ive already looked online to see where we could get a really good one. Man i hope William reads this before he comes home because then i don't have to tell/ask him to take me shopping on Friday to find one. I am soooo naughty and cheeky at the same time. Well here is fingers crossed, but I'm not tooo worried as i have already started making a congratulations card, in fact i think I'm almost done.

Well as i said I'm in a good state today. Its lunch time and i feel hungry and i have had my morning set meals for food. so yeah - lets bring on the afternoon. So until later, bye bye bye. x

True Colours

Have you ever wondered what true colour you really are? i have just listened to the song true colour's and it got me thinking, what colour would i be. like a mood ring tells you weather you in a good mood or not, i don't know. I think after today i would be dark blue. Today has not gone how i imagined it to go, and i feel myself now feeling very very low. Maybe its because im detoxing again and so can not have the sugars i have been used to, or may be it because I'm realizing that my life is not a straight forward as it seams. Either way im blue. Since my blog this morning i was having a good time, i was making Bruni's cards and then she poped online. As i sat talking to her the time flew by. Its been ages since we just had a chat. It was nice because i could finally speak to someone other then the dog during day light hours. We spoke about lots of things, some thing even can not be mentioned on here. Bruni i know you reading this and dam girl you are a bad influence on me! Well it was really a distraction that i needed. After the call had finished i couldn't help but think that its ages until William got home. I started thinking of what i hadn't done today when i had such a plan in my head. Its no good i kept thinking whilst all the time trying to make me move from the chair in the study. Today is not a good day to be blue. I then went downstairs and stared to play Zelda, a game my sister had lent me when we visited a few weekends ago. I couldn't do thins one part of the game so i called William. I asked him how to pass the section i was on like he was in the room with me. He couldn't give me the answer that i wanted and so i snapped at him. I think i even hung the phone down on him. I remember feeling really really angry at him. I think i was more angry at myself however William seamed to get the brunt of all of it. Right now as im sulking up in my craft room, he is busy cleaning the kitchen, something that i should in fact be doing considering this is my job. But again i cant do it. What ever made me think that i was a good housewife? I'm always looking for ways to make myself busy, but in all the wrong places. I'm such a lay about! no, no i am not. Scrap that. Im not going to get myself down about this. What is done is done. AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! i just want to SCCCCCCCCCCCRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEAAMMMMMMMMMMM!!!! i really can not wait for the day that i can just wake up and everything would be ok, nothing would be wrong, i would be happy and the world with have pretty rainbows and everyone will be smiling. I know this will never happen but surly if i work at it we can create such a place? you know what, i know what my problem is? i have not eaten enough today. I think all day ive had a fruit salad, 2 ltrs of water and a large chicken salad. Why do i do this to myself. I have everything i need in the house, why do i still have the easy road and not face eating food at all? I mean for someone of my size eating food was always a good habit, now it seams that i'm loosing my grip on what the meaning of food actually is. Food is my friend. I have noticed that when i am blue i don't eat, and when i,m depressed i eat fast food and rubbish. Well i'm at the breaking point of blue and reaching for the phone with the pizza place on speed dial. NO NO NO NO NO! this is not good at all.

Ill give you a little glimpse of what happened when William returned home. It was still light so William said about taking Coco up the hill for a run. As we were traveling up the hill i explained what i had done today and the people i had spoken to, Bruni and my Sister Marie. I was asking if William could get some time off work so we could possible take our niece out swimming like we did last time. William was ok with this however in the back of the car the dog was getting more and more exciting and her small squeaks soon turned to loud barks. It was because of this that William snapped at me as he can not stand her doing this. I however in my already on edge mood took this the wrong way and well pretty much yelled at him back, stormed out of the car while he was parking, let the dog out and got back in the car to sulk. Bless William he really did not know what to do so he just left me too it. as i sat in the car i looked for a Cd to put on and really couldn't find one to suit my mood so i listen to what ever was on the radio. It happened to be Dancing Queen by Abba. I listened to the words and couldn't help think that the lyrics "you can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life, see that girl, watch her dance, checking the dancing queen" could mean me. If i stopped looking at all the negatives which have or have not happened yet and started to get on with the positive then i am never going to get better. I am never going to have the "time of my Life". So as we drove back home i thought how this could work. I then remembered that i had a call from the lady at the gym today. I have been on the phone a lot today. I explained to William when my induction is and where. I also explained the different ways we can pay. William was happy at this and well i think he is wondering whether i will in fact use the gym. But i am going to prove, him, everyone and last but no means least myself that i will use the gym, even if it will break me. Dam it i want to hit my goal, and i am going to hit it in the nuts and dance on its grave when it hit it before i have planed! Well i am gonna logg off now cos its 8:55pm and im starting to get tired, i dont want to feel that im married to my craft room as i seamed to spend more time in hear then with William lately. lol.
Nity Nite

Good morning!!

My God it is early! As i started to wake up this morning i noticed William was fully dressed and standing in front of me. Morning baby, he said in a nice wake up tone. he then however followed it with Take your tablets, like i had been a naught girl. He has decided that although i need to take responsibility for taking my tablets, at this time i don't think i have the will power to get of my fat backside and take them. So at request for a while William is going to wake me up every morning and not leave until i take the tablets. So as i sat up half asleep on the bed drinking my lemon water and taking my tablets i could see that William was happy. By the time i had finished William was almost ready to go to work. As i got dressed i kissed William good bye and then he was off. The time was only 8:30. For the past few weeks i have been getting up nearer to 11am then 8:30am. But you know what? it felt rather good. I know the tablets Tammy has asked me to take are good for me before i now feel alive. However this was great in itself but i found myself aching in my legs. you see after i had spoken to Tammy last night i had decided that i did in fact fancy swimming yet again with William. He was over the moon at this and so we hurried to have some dinner so that there was 1hr after eating before we went for our swim. I was feeling rather blue after mine and Tammy's chat so William took the reigns and made dinner. I didn't have a stir fry as i thought this would be too heavy for swimming so instead i had a large salad and pasta. Wheat free of course. It was very very yummy. however why is it that the bits you don't like so much on there own always end up at the bottom of the bowl? i found myself trying to force feed celery and spring onion, but they won and i couldn't eat anymore. Now normally i clean my bowl clean and everything i put in my salads all work well together and celery is nice eaten with lettuce and spring onions with beetroot. But as all of this had been eaten, so it was left in the bowl. William looked at me and asked if i had finished to which i relied yes. He then took my bowl into the kitchen with his and started to get the swim bags ready. Im really really lucky to have William right now. There have been times people would give up on me however he has stayed by me no matter what. I mean i know we are married but how much of a fat depressed lump like me can one person take? But now more! I am not going to let this overcome everything i have done so far. So i started to get dressed into my bathers to wear under my clothes.

As we got into the swimming pool there were lots of people all swimming. i quickly grabbed my floater board that i could hold in my hands so that the only way i was gonna swim would be to use my legs. So i started swimming. Now for a 24st lady i was not going to go very fast at all. I watched as people over took me in the slow lane but i didn't care. i just kept on swimming. 50m, i did it, now turn and repeat. i did this several times until i reached the 400m mark. William asked me how i was doing - as this time yesterday i could not do any more. I remembered what Tammy had said earlier about pushing myself further and so i left my floater with William decided to swim an extra 100m just swimming. So on my way down i felt my legs getting very very tired. My arms started to sting as i felt the muscles pulling but i didn't give up. On my way back up for the final 50m i could see William and he was watching me with a grin on his face. It was great. I had gone further then i thought i would but secretly wanted to do. as i got to the top i felt proud that i had achieved what i wanted. William asked if i want to do some more but by this point we had been in the pool for about 35mins and i was done. We left and changed and talked about how often we wanted to swim. Before we came into the pool we noticed there was an offer on for 10 swimming sessions for £25.00. If we had paid for 10 sessions then that would have been £31.50, so we were making a saving. So as we left we paid for the swimming. We have no where to hide now - this will be at least 2 weeks worth of swimming. that makes me very very happy.

So after the tasks of what we did last night and the fact i am up at a silly hour in my own time, yet not for others i have a plan of things i want to accomplish today.
1) finish Bruni's invitations for posting tomorrow.
2) cycle for 2 miles on the bike
3) 20 mins on the Wii playing Active
4) making dinner.

so until later, bye bye

The Talk with Tammy

well yesterday was always going to be full of emotions however i never expected it to go the way it did. When i woke up yesterday i decided to have some water like a good girl and then i have an extremely large bowl of berry fruit salad. It was very very yummy. After this is knuckled down and started to making the remaining 15 invitation cards for my friend Bruni. As i sat making them things could help but go round and round in my head. What would Tammy say to me, what will we do, what will happen. I tried several times to take my mind off of it but watching/listening to Glee. I also started listening to the Chris Moyles Show on play back on BBC radio 1. However as the time moved on i found myself floating in well anything. As i started to eat my soup i realized that time had moved on more then i thought and it was time to face the music. Tammy logged on skype. So with pen in one hand, the computer moved back on the desk and paper in front of me i made the call.

It went better then i thought. Tammy was stern with me. I've never seen her this way before. I loved it. Tammy gave me some home truths as well as being a very good friend. It was because of this i was able to be completely honest with her. The one thing that i can say helped the most was this blog. She had read everything. She was able to see for herself what i was really feeling. How i was thinking. This is more powerful then i thought. I have been thinking how this blog helps me release some of the thoughts which swirl around in my head and well its like a mobile storage devise. I take all the feelings i have that i can not express and place them here. After i don't feel so bogged down. Its great.

As our talk continued it became more and more real and intense. I didn't notice that since my youngest nephew was born i have been getting really really down. This has caused me to leave the run and hit the showers way way way before my time was up. Well not now. I am sick of the showers and i want hit the road again and go further then i have ever been. Tammy started to give me some power phrases which she said in passing however they were big enough for me to write them down. "crying is cleansing" "Push yourself further" and "work for things you want" So this got me thinking. Have i let my self cry lately over things i have done, our survey says NO. Have i pushed myself further or worked for things i wanted to achieve? again the answer is NO. As Tammy continued to talk i couldn't help to feel sorry for myself. So as i sat listening to Tammy i couldn't help having a little cry to myself. Tammy then must have noticed this and started talking in a more encouraging voice. She started saying this like, "be around for your 50th wedding anniversary", "get things in life i have always wanted, children" and "to realize what i have to offer the world." She told me that i was a blessing to her. Me a blessing? She explained that i have made an impact in her life and that i had a big heart and was very caring. I have never thought myself like this before. What i didn't say to her is that i felt the same. I was so taken back that i didn't let her know that i too felt the same way. In points in my life when i have been at my all time low i have been blessed with friends. Not any friends, true friends. Friends where you can really be who you are and not be the person you think you need to be. To mention a few Elaine and Chani-May. I met them after my first fiance Daniel decided to end our 5 year relation ship on the same day i lost my Job. I had no friends at that point and no job, so i started to work at a new place a few weeks later called IBM. Elaine and Chani showed me how much fun i could have without a partner and that life was good. It really was. The next person who is very special to me is William. I was in "depression state" i like to call it after having feelings for a guy who didn't know how to handle them. We were extremely good friends and he didn't want to change that. It was at this point i posted a wanted ad for helping the Homeless in Portsmouth. Something which is something close to my heart, thinking this would help me out of my low point. Then William replied. We met and well fell in love almost the same day. We spoke for hours and hours and i explained about everything that i was going through. Yet he stuck by me. He helped me, and still does to this day. As you may have noticed i married him 18months after meeting. He still helps me now. Only there is someone else who is now center stage in my top friend list and that is Tammy. When we met and i asked her for help, i had no idea that i would pass anything i had every expected. I have tried diet plans before, weight watchers, slimming world, cabbage soup, slim fast, the no eating during the day diet, only pasta and fish diet. No of them worked. Well within 4 weeks with Tammy i noticed changes within myself that i would never have thought possible. William tells me daily that every day i get better i am becoming more of the cat he married. (yes i did say cat, you see as a nickname he calls me hobbiticat. His nickname is Hobbit and has been for years and well me changed it so i was a hobbit as well. also I'm a crafter as well and another nickname is craft-cat. but that is when I'm in my craft room making pretty things.) This is all thanks to the work Tammy is doing with me.

As the call started to come to an end we spoke of what to do next and the answer was clear. DETOX STAGE 1 AGAIN. i knew this was coming so i was prepared. I had already used up everything i was not allowed to have over the weekend. So then came the final part of the call, setting my goals. So after everything we spoke about this is it:
1) Drink 2lts of Water and take my tablets daily
2) Go swimming twice this week
3) NO FAST FOOD OF ANY TYPE INCLUDING THINGS ALLOWED IN STAGE ONE
4) Cycle 2 miles per day on exercise bike
5) Stick to meal plan - no ifs or buts
6) Loose 5lbs this week
7) Remove all temptation from the house. ie:bread, tin soup, cake making stuff.

Well that was about it really. If you wanted to see what Tammy thought of the call you can also read her thoughts at http://tammy153.wordpress.com/