Easter Weekend

Hello all! Sorry i have not had chance to blog however i have had several things happen this weekend with has meant i really have not had the time to. But can i say now that it has not been the best weekend. i have really struggled to try and keep on top of things, food wise that is however it has really not been the best. So let me give you a run down of how my weekend went.

Friday:
After we went swimming we decided to go and visit my nan. She is my nan on my mums side. Well earlier on a had a txt and a phone call from my Uncle John. As he was going to pick up my cousin from his army barracks Oxford, he had decided to stay the night there. He asked if i could come and stay at his house and keep my nan company. So as we sat talking to my nan who was in the middle of doing her hair, i asked if i needed to bring anything with me. My nan is so funny, we can talk about the same topics but they do seam to change a little every time she speaks. As she was busy i waited until she had finished her hair before we went downstairs for a drink. As we sat in the kitchen William popped his head in to say hello as he was trying to fix my Uncle's laptop. After we had stayed a while we returned home to have our much awaited Fish. Yummy, it was sooooooooo nice. The sesame seeds really gave it a lovely taste and i was happy with the result, and will defiantly have again. After this i started to play Zelda, yet again. Something which has now made me completely addicted. Much to Williams upset.

Saturday:
We woke up fairy alive this morning. on Friday when i was making the salad for our fish i carried on and made a berry fruit salad for this morning and also sunday morning. I tried to make as much as i could so then i didn't have to do much work for this day. Something which worked really really well. So after waking up and having my tablets before William had surfaced was very very good. As the time got on it was 8:00 o'clock and i really wanted to get the house work done, so that's what we did. So as William cleaned the kitchen and sorted the washing i cleaned all the other rooms in the house. We were planning on going swimming this weekend however decided to only go on Monday morning because of the things we needed to get done. So by 10:30am everything was done. So as we got our things together we headed into Portsmouth as we had found from shop vouchers that we thought we could spend. My God has losings weight changed the way i can shop! Normally i would need to sit down every so often as my back would hurt, or even worse, because i "just needed the rest". However this time, we only took a break once as my feet were hurting because i had spent the past 3 hours looking in shops, walking back and forth endlessly at things and standing still. I had to admit i was very very impressed. Also i think because i had done so much in the morning (hovering the whole house ect) it kinda all added up. As we were in town we decided to have lunch, so yet again i looked for Subway. I love it there because you can choose what you like. So this time i had plain steak, but no cheese, and uber and uber amounts of salad. I had to ask the girl several times for more salad as she was packing however i knew i had gone to far when she gave me the most dirtiest look of all time. I then went to the counter to pay along with Williams. Bless him. He sat looking at me with his foot long saying sorry every second he could between mouthfuls at the fact he was having a bread. I tried to tell him he was fine however i just think he was a hungry puppy as leading up to lunch he was becoming very very irritated and snappy. So after i had finished my salad i was still hungry and so this is where it got bad. I had a packet of crisps. I know, i know i shouldn't have done it but i did. I did however look for the low fat ones, and the one's with the less calories. After that, i wan not hungry anymore. The seamed to hit the spot just right. Oh i forgot to say, another reason why we went to town is to by me a belt. You see a couple of weeks ago i started to wear a pare of jeans i had found at the back of my wardrobe which i hadn't been able to fit into. Well i tried them on and they fitted perfectly. However after going through my washing cycle of stuff which has about a 3 week turn over with the amount of clothes that i own, i put them on again today. Wow. Not only are they now big on me, but i can now put them on, and take them off without unzipping them. This was much cause of celebration in the house, however not to much as they kept falling down. So first thing's first. Find and new belt. I have never worn a belt before. Well i have had one, that's a lie, but only on clothes as part of decoration. Now i was using a belt because i needed to keep my jeans up. Perfect. So we chose a black one, with a pretty pattern on and so, as i write this, i am sitting with such item perfectly in place doing what it needs to do. Wonderful. Also they fit on my other pare of jeans too, so it really was a good thing to get. After we got home it was time to go to my mums and get my nan to go home. Now when we arrived my nan was already at home. My mum had taken her home early so it was nice just talking to my mum and dad. It was also when i found out that my other nan, on my Dad's side was in hospital. But i'll tell you more on that under Monday. So as we were talking after how my sisters were getting on, and everything else we could possibly think of, Mum looked up and asked if we wanted some food for tea. Ah ha my planning has paid off. So form my bag of goodies i had previously prepared emerged a wonderful prawn salad. So as i ate this everyone else had a gammon in a roll and crisps. Again i was very very naughty and had another packet of crisps. i know i know. But there is only so many times you could say no before you just take the packet to keep them quiet. I have to admit, i felt really bad about eating them, so i didn't eat all of them. As time was getting on we decided to leave and head to my Nan's. So with an over night bag, and an over night food bag we left. It was about 9:30pm and i had been chatting with my nan for a few hours over again, bits and bobs when Nan asked if i was thirsty and wanted a cup of tea. I said no in favor of some water i had in a bottle by the side of me. However Nan would not really take no for an answer, but i was strong this time and kept saying the NO. She finally got the message and then started on would you like form food. Again i said no to crisps, which was her favorite choice as this is what she had at this time of night. Again this time i said no and tucked into a little fruit compote of rhubarb and apple. It was very very yummy. I loved it really. i was at this point very very proud of myself. I know i had too slips today, but they were not major, so it was ok in my eyes.

Sunday:
Breakfast at my Nans. Now i knew this would be tough on me so luckily i had become prepared. So i took my tablets and had a large glass of water even before i was dressed and out of my room. This in its self without William reminding me again was a very good thing for me. so after i was dressed i headed into the kitchen to start on breakfast. I had arranged with my nan and William that i would cook a cooked breakfast, and that is what i was going to do. However not for me. Oh no i was a very very good girl. So as i ate my prepared berry fruit salad made on Friday for today i was cooking bacon, eggs, sausages, beans, toast and hot cross buns. It all looked so yummy. I needed a plan to take my mind off the food, so about 1 hour after eating the fruit i served breakfast to a hungry mob. Now my nan is from a generation of cooking in Lard. So for me to cook everything in grills, oven and poaching the eggs was all new to her, but boy did she love it. The food had flavor. Well so she told me. During the cooking process i was very very tempted to eat what they had, but oh no i kept strong. The smell was so nice i think i can still smell it now. Instead of heaving what would have been under the old diet plan as ok, as no fat was used and all was extremely lean and healthy food (apart from the sausages of course) i instead has red pepper, spring onions in scrambled eggs. It was nice as i sat on a chair watching nan and William eat whilst i held my big bowl of eggs. My nan didn't believe that i was not going to have what she had but understood that if this it what it takes, then i'm gonna do it. After we had cleared up it was time to leave and so we said our goodbyes. It was then we went to a craft fair in Portsmouth, which William completely spoilt me in buying a very pretty bracelet and matching necklace. Something i have now been wearing the past few days. Trying to match your jewelery to you clothes is ok, but when you have your jewelry on first and the matching what you wear for that day based on the fact you want to wear the necklace is all rather new to me, but i managed. After we had spent a few hours looking round the fort and all the craft stalls we come home and started to play Zelda, yet again. I had a feeling we would be playing this for some time this weekend and sure enough he we went again.

Monday:
Well Monday started ok. We got up early as we said we would and we went swimming. I had my tablets and water and so i was fighting to go. Well that is a lie really. To say we were fighting was probably more like falling asleep in the car on route. We were in the pool at 7:30am. Now normally this is not to bad for William as he gets up and is out the house for work at this time, however we were playing Zelda until 1:00am and so we needed a pick me up. As we same i noticed that i was in fact getting faster. However with speed ment i had to retire sooner then i wanted to. So after we went to Morrisons where we had breakfast. Now i tried to find something on the menu which i could have and really i couldn't. So i ran back in the store, brought some fruit and had this. It was yummy. So William was eating another cooked breakfast and i was having fruit. However the smell of eggs were appealing. So i then ordered some eggs, completely plan. Unfortunately they were fried eggs, but even better is that they were cooked on a hot plate. so i started to munch away and i was quite happy. I didn't know then that today was going to be very rough for me. you remember i told you that i found out my nan was in hospital, well i had said to my dad that i would go and see her with him. I really think he was happy at this as so as we made our way to the hospital dad was explaining what was wrong with her. My heart sunk. Now i have not seen my nan in almost 2 years. you see in her old age she has set upon the fact that my sisters has well, not in her favor because they had children before marriage. Something which is not pleasant but for some reason she likes me. I really am in two minds on weather i wanted to see nan because of this as i love my sisters to bits however as William kept reminding me, i am not doing this for nan, i am doing this to support my dad. Now my nan had a fall in the bathroom as she is stubborn and doesn't like any help. (remind you of anyone??? lol) and well he broke her leg. Now i thought what anyone would and think she would be in a cast however this is not the case. She has broken the main bone in her thigh. To the pint it snapped and both pieces are now pointing in the wrong direction. But there is more, they can not operate. So at the age of 79, my nan currently is lying in hospital in traction. She cant move and is in constant pain. As we arrived to her bed i realized why i didn't want to see her. It was clear that my nan didnt really understand who i was a first, her eyesight has almost gone, and she couldn't really hear what we were saying - or really understand for that matter. Now no matter what she had said or done in the past no one should ever have to be in that state. My heart really sank. Inside i was fighting the tears because i couldn't show them. Dad seamed to think after this hospital trip she will end up in a nursing home, and all i kept thinking was why did it have to get to this point to see her. I couldn't help but go over and over in my mind why have i not supported my dad sooner is helping him with my nan but just going with him to see her. Its obvious my nan has been getting worse, why didn't i see the signs when dad spoke about it? So as i spoke with her she told stories of where she went i London the night before, something which i think she was remembering form her past. I was really chocking up inside. She wasn't even in her own bedclothes. She was still wearing the hospital gowns, and she had been in there for a week! I know my dad visits her every time he could however he doesn't have access to her house so i couldn't really blame him. As the time went on both William and dad left and came back to the room as they really didn't like hospital beds. After everything that goes on this is the last of dad worries. So dinner time arrive in the hospital and so they asked if i was ok at feeding my nan. As dad and William at this point had gone for a walk i said yes. I had to keep looking away as not to show my tears. I was feeding the woman who the last time i spoke and saw her was able to feed herself. As she looked at me, all eyes gazed over opening her mouth for more i really had to be strong. The nurses kept saying that just give her as much as she wanted, but she must have been hungry as she ate nearly every bit of her food. During this time William and dad come to her bed and watched as we ate. Dad mentioned he feed her the day before and it went everywhere. I think he loved the fact that i was feeding her though, meant she had a good meal inside her. After dinner the nurses said they were going to move her traction on her leg and it was going to take a while and would be distressing. They asked he we wanted to leave or wait, Dad took the decision at this point it was time to leave as we had been at her side for about 2.5hrs. As we said goodbye she said over and over thank you for coming. Why does this pull on my heart strings? I, at this point just wanted to get out and forget about it, but i couldn't. As we traveled back to dad's we talked about bits and bobs trying not to talk about nan. Before we knew it we were home. We spent a few hours talking with mum and dad and then we left to come home. This point i was mentally and physically drained. It was then that i made a very very bad choice. We had burger king. I was hungry and really still in shock. This is my no means cause for having something very very bad to eat but it was the only place open and well we were hungry. All i kept thinking about was how i fed my nan and it was very upsetting. I was extremely quiet. William did all he could to try and comfort me by saying i was amazing, but its no use, I am just doing what anyone who have done in the circumstances.

I have to take a break now as this pretty much sums up my weekend. So until, after my call from Tammy at 4pm i will blog then.