The Talk with Tammy

well yesterday was always going to be full of emotions however i never expected it to go the way it did. When i woke up yesterday i decided to have some water like a good girl and then i have an extremely large bowl of berry fruit salad. It was very very yummy. After this is knuckled down and started to making the remaining 15 invitation cards for my friend Bruni. As i sat making them things could help but go round and round in my head. What would Tammy say to me, what will we do, what will happen. I tried several times to take my mind off of it but watching/listening to Glee. I also started listening to the Chris Moyles Show on play back on BBC radio 1. However as the time moved on i found myself floating in well anything. As i started to eat my soup i realized that time had moved on more then i thought and it was time to face the music. Tammy logged on skype. So with pen in one hand, the computer moved back on the desk and paper in front of me i made the call.

It went better then i thought. Tammy was stern with me. I've never seen her this way before. I loved it. Tammy gave me some home truths as well as being a very good friend. It was because of this i was able to be completely honest with her. The one thing that i can say helped the most was this blog. She had read everything. She was able to see for herself what i was really feeling. How i was thinking. This is more powerful then i thought. I have been thinking how this blog helps me release some of the thoughts which swirl around in my head and well its like a mobile storage devise. I take all the feelings i have that i can not express and place them here. After i don't feel so bogged down. Its great.

As our talk continued it became more and more real and intense. I didn't notice that since my youngest nephew was born i have been getting really really down. This has caused me to leave the run and hit the showers way way way before my time was up. Well not now. I am sick of the showers and i want hit the road again and go further then i have ever been. Tammy started to give me some power phrases which she said in passing however they were big enough for me to write them down. "crying is cleansing" "Push yourself further" and "work for things you want" So this got me thinking. Have i let my self cry lately over things i have done, our survey says NO. Have i pushed myself further or worked for things i wanted to achieve? again the answer is NO. As Tammy continued to talk i couldn't help to feel sorry for myself. So as i sat listening to Tammy i couldn't help having a little cry to myself. Tammy then must have noticed this and started talking in a more encouraging voice. She started saying this like, "be around for your 50th wedding anniversary", "get things in life i have always wanted, children" and "to realize what i have to offer the world." She told me that i was a blessing to her. Me a blessing? She explained that i have made an impact in her life and that i had a big heart and was very caring. I have never thought myself like this before. What i didn't say to her is that i felt the same. I was so taken back that i didn't let her know that i too felt the same way. In points in my life when i have been at my all time low i have been blessed with friends. Not any friends, true friends. Friends where you can really be who you are and not be the person you think you need to be. To mention a few Elaine and Chani-May. I met them after my first fiance Daniel decided to end our 5 year relation ship on the same day i lost my Job. I had no friends at that point and no job, so i started to work at a new place a few weeks later called IBM. Elaine and Chani showed me how much fun i could have without a partner and that life was good. It really was. The next person who is very special to me is William. I was in "depression state" i like to call it after having feelings for a guy who didn't know how to handle them. We were extremely good friends and he didn't want to change that. It was at this point i posted a wanted ad for helping the Homeless in Portsmouth. Something which is something close to my heart, thinking this would help me out of my low point. Then William replied. We met and well fell in love almost the same day. We spoke for hours and hours and i explained about everything that i was going through. Yet he stuck by me. He helped me, and still does to this day. As you may have noticed i married him 18months after meeting. He still helps me now. Only there is someone else who is now center stage in my top friend list and that is Tammy. When we met and i asked her for help, i had no idea that i would pass anything i had every expected. I have tried diet plans before, weight watchers, slimming world, cabbage soup, slim fast, the no eating during the day diet, only pasta and fish diet. No of them worked. Well within 4 weeks with Tammy i noticed changes within myself that i would never have thought possible. William tells me daily that every day i get better i am becoming more of the cat he married. (yes i did say cat, you see as a nickname he calls me hobbiticat. His nickname is Hobbit and has been for years and well me changed it so i was a hobbit as well. also I'm a crafter as well and another nickname is craft-cat. but that is when I'm in my craft room making pretty things.) This is all thanks to the work Tammy is doing with me.

As the call started to come to an end we spoke of what to do next and the answer was clear. DETOX STAGE 1 AGAIN. i knew this was coming so i was prepared. I had already used up everything i was not allowed to have over the weekend. So then came the final part of the call, setting my goals. So after everything we spoke about this is it:
1) Drink 2lts of Water and take my tablets daily
2) Go swimming twice this week
3) NO FAST FOOD OF ANY TYPE INCLUDING THINGS ALLOWED IN STAGE ONE
4) Cycle 2 miles per day on exercise bike
5) Stick to meal plan - no ifs or buts
6) Loose 5lbs this week
7) Remove all temptation from the house. ie:bread, tin soup, cake making stuff.

Well that was about it really. If you wanted to see what Tammy thought of the call you can also read her thoughts at http://tammy153.wordpress.com/