True Colours

Have you ever wondered what true colour you really are? i have just listened to the song true colour's and it got me thinking, what colour would i be. like a mood ring tells you weather you in a good mood or not, i don't know. I think after today i would be dark blue. Today has not gone how i imagined it to go, and i feel myself now feeling very very low. Maybe its because im detoxing again and so can not have the sugars i have been used to, or may be it because I'm realizing that my life is not a straight forward as it seams. Either way im blue. Since my blog this morning i was having a good time, i was making Bruni's cards and then she poped online. As i sat talking to her the time flew by. Its been ages since we just had a chat. It was nice because i could finally speak to someone other then the dog during day light hours. We spoke about lots of things, some thing even can not be mentioned on here. Bruni i know you reading this and dam girl you are a bad influence on me! Well it was really a distraction that i needed. After the call had finished i couldn't help but think that its ages until William got home. I started thinking of what i hadn't done today when i had such a plan in my head. Its no good i kept thinking whilst all the time trying to make me move from the chair in the study. Today is not a good day to be blue. I then went downstairs and stared to play Zelda, a game my sister had lent me when we visited a few weekends ago. I couldn't do thins one part of the game so i called William. I asked him how to pass the section i was on like he was in the room with me. He couldn't give me the answer that i wanted and so i snapped at him. I think i even hung the phone down on him. I remember feeling really really angry at him. I think i was more angry at myself however William seamed to get the brunt of all of it. Right now as im sulking up in my craft room, he is busy cleaning the kitchen, something that i should in fact be doing considering this is my job. But again i cant do it. What ever made me think that i was a good housewife? I'm always looking for ways to make myself busy, but in all the wrong places. I'm such a lay about! no, no i am not. Scrap that. Im not going to get myself down about this. What is done is done. AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! i just want to SCCCCCCCCCCCRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEAAMMMMMMMMMMM!!!! i really can not wait for the day that i can just wake up and everything would be ok, nothing would be wrong, i would be happy and the world with have pretty rainbows and everyone will be smiling. I know this will never happen but surly if i work at it we can create such a place? you know what, i know what my problem is? i have not eaten enough today. I think all day ive had a fruit salad, 2 ltrs of water and a large chicken salad. Why do i do this to myself. I have everything i need in the house, why do i still have the easy road and not face eating food at all? I mean for someone of my size eating food was always a good habit, now it seams that i'm loosing my grip on what the meaning of food actually is. Food is my friend. I have noticed that when i am blue i don't eat, and when i,m depressed i eat fast food and rubbish. Well i'm at the breaking point of blue and reaching for the phone with the pizza place on speed dial. NO NO NO NO NO! this is not good at all.

Ill give you a little glimpse of what happened when William returned home. It was still light so William said about taking Coco up the hill for a run. As we were traveling up the hill i explained what i had done today and the people i had spoken to, Bruni and my Sister Marie. I was asking if William could get some time off work so we could possible take our niece out swimming like we did last time. William was ok with this however in the back of the car the dog was getting more and more exciting and her small squeaks soon turned to loud barks. It was because of this that William snapped at me as he can not stand her doing this. I however in my already on edge mood took this the wrong way and well pretty much yelled at him back, stormed out of the car while he was parking, let the dog out and got back in the car to sulk. Bless William he really did not know what to do so he just left me too it. as i sat in the car i looked for a Cd to put on and really couldn't find one to suit my mood so i listen to what ever was on the radio. It happened to be Dancing Queen by Abba. I listened to the words and couldn't help think that the lyrics "you can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life, see that girl, watch her dance, checking the dancing queen" could mean me. If i stopped looking at all the negatives which have or have not happened yet and started to get on with the positive then i am never going to get better. I am never going to have the "time of my Life". So as we drove back home i thought how this could work. I then remembered that i had a call from the lady at the gym today. I have been on the phone a lot today. I explained to William when my induction is and where. I also explained the different ways we can pay. William was happy at this and well i think he is wondering whether i will in fact use the gym. But i am going to prove, him, everyone and last but no means least myself that i will use the gym, even if it will break me. Dam it i want to hit my goal, and i am going to hit it in the nuts and dance on its grave when it hit it before i have planed! Well i am gonna logg off now cos its 8:55pm and im starting to get tired, i dont want to feel that im married to my craft room as i seamed to spend more time in hear then with William lately. lol.
Nity Nite